Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
