remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize