2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Randomize