Fine. I'll sleep in my office
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
