I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
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Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
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