wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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