A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
