So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
