I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
