Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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