I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Randomize
