Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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