oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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