is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
