How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
