After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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