he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
