Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
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