just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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