I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
