dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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