If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
