I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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