meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
do nipples grow back?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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