My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
You pole danced in your parka.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
