I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
