Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
