Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
