I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
