Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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