she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
