Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
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and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
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Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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