Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
