i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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