We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
