Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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