you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
