david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
