Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
