You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
