I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
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