He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
