I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
