did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
meet me or not, i'm out of control
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Randomize
