margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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