there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Randomize
