roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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