i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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