that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
