first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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