He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
