I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
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