Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
