Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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