Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
