I swear god or herbie drove my car home
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
