Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
