Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
