PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
