I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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