its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
