And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
