I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
