Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
