but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
