Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
