Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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