normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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