The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
