Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
