Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Let's get the cat blown out
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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