Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
